


Let Her Go

by twonce



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Sad Ending, not all stories have happy endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:21:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22781683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twonce/pseuds/twonce
Summary: She doesn’t remember how it all started. 	But she knows how it ended, and it's not good. For Bora, it's just a bunch of pain and restless nights.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	Let Her Go

She doesn’t remember how it all started. 

She saw her here and there; taking final tests in the same class, entering the class, exiting the class, seeing her discuss the finals with her friends outside the class… She saw her almost every day of the final week. Maybe that’s how it all started. 

She took a job at a café near the campus after weeks of finals, as she was short on money. A barista she is, but to this day she didn’t know how to make a decent Caramel Macchiato. Whenever someone orders that disgustingly sweet drink; she would say that they’re running out of caramel syrup, but that was a huge lie. It was standing there, as full as a bottle can be. 

Her days were monotone, nothing unusual would happen.

But then she saw her. In front of her, waiting for her turn to come. There were 2 people before her. She remembers her hands shaking, wanting those 2 people to order as fast as possible. Just to see her, talk to her, make her existence known for her. 

Of course, they didn’t know what to order. Not only the people in line waited for both of them to order, but if they took any longer to decide she would just scream at their face and kick them out. 

She didn’t do that. She wouldn’t do that. She wasn’t that kind of person. She would never be that kind of person. But when it comes to Her… Oh man, what a game-changer… But seeing the glass half full, they eventually made their mind up and it was Her turn to order.

“Hey, I’m ready to take your order.” As she said.

“Oh, hi! I know you, you’re that cute little girl.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t know you’d remember me.” Because why would anyone, right?

“How could I not? I’m Siyeon by the way, I don’t think we met?”

“Bora. Are you freshmen like me?” She said this with a giggle but she was genuinely curious as to which classes she attends to.

“Actually it’s my 3rd year but I failed some classes first and second year. I saw you at freshmen classes’ finals.”

“Well, what can I say? You do have a pretty strong memory.”

“Or you’re just too cute to miss.” She didn’t know how she got caught at Siyeon’s gaze. As the seconds pass and she admires her eyes’ beauty, she forgot to say something. How is that even possible? How can she live moments like this for the very first time? 

Bore giggled after a few seconds. She was embarrassed. She must have looked like a dumb, adoring a godly feature before her. Yes, she must. 

“What do you want to drink, Siyeon?”

“Just an Americano please.” As Bora was getting her drink ready, Siyeon spoke up again.

“Do you happen to have a plan this weekend?” 

“Why do you ask?”

“I and my best friend are planning to go to a gay club. I was wondering if you want to come with us? You can invite Minji too if you want. We’ll just go and dance.” 

She didn’t know what to say. ‘Yes’? ‘No’? She was thinking about the answers she can give when she slipped a question that was wandering around her mind.

“How did you know I was gay?”

“I didn’t exactly know, I just got that ‘I like girls’ vibe from you and now I know.” That makes sense, especially when Bora uses words like ‘gaydar’ all the time…

“I’ll think about it. And here’s your Americano as black as your… hair. It’s dyed, right?” Bora didn’t know why she was making such efforts to make Siyeon laugh.

“Yeah.” A giggle. That’s why. Because it sounds like angels singing above.

“Well, why don’t I give you my phone number to let me know when you decide?” A phone number on a napkin… “And thanks for the coffee.”

“Okay… I will let you know. Take care.”

She kept taking orders and making drinks for the rest of the day but her mind was always wandering to Siyeon. How she laughs, how she smiles, how she talks, how she looks, how she was hiding so much to her behind her walls. Siyeon’s walls no mystery to anyone. She was always giving those ‘I giggle, smile and laugh but I’ve been through so much pain that I want to forget’ vibes… It was impossible for Her… For her to want to break those walls, hug Siyeon over the dust of those bricks. 

**

“Please Minji, please go with me?”

“Go with you? Bora, you made me buy us tickets just to see your favorite artist at some basic festival, which made me beg my boss to take the weekend off. Now you want to go to a gay club instead? For what?” 

“This girl caught my eyes and I’ve been wanting to hang out with her for a while and now she asked me- asked us to hang out. I don’t want to say no to her, Minji, please?” She was sure that Minji thought, if death was coming her way, Bora wouldn’t beg for her life this much. She just knew.

“Okay… But just one question. Who is this girl?”

“I… It’s Siyeon… She’s a sophomore or something.”

“I do know her. Didn’t you see me talking to her after final tests?”

“No. You always finish up way before me. How is she, what kind of person she is?”

She was a little curious, is all.  
Just a little.  
A little. 

“I know that she’s kind of a flirty person. And extrovert looking introvert, if I may say.”

“How so?”

“I mean, she goes out a lot, travels a lot, and it is obvious that she tries to have fun as much as she can but she never opens up. We don’t talk about just the tests, you know? She is a very good friend, I do trust her; the thing is I don’t think she trusts me yet. Nor she trusts her best friend.”

This answer was expected. So Bore was right about walls… 

“So… we’re going then?”

“Yes. Damn, why can’t I say no to you?”

** 

Hours were torture when she was waiting for the weekend to come. But when it came, it came harder than she thought. She made life hell for not only for herself but also for Minji. She kept asking Minji questions like what to wear or how to dance. For Minji, the dance part was the funniest because Bora was the best dancer Minji saw. She tried to reassure her. But she didn’t know she would find herself dragging along to a mall. Bora said she needed new shorts to wear, new t-shirts to wear… She never saw her this excited for a girl before. 

Of course, she saw Bora like and fall for girls before but this… This is something new for Minji too. She hopes things would go and end well for both sides. 

** 

The night would’ve been better if Bora hadn’t witnessed girls and boys come to talk Siyeon. She wouldn’t decline because she was already wasted. There’s a girl named Bella, never leaving Siyeon’s side and always trying to get touchy with her. But for Bora, the breaking point was seeing Bella and Siyeon kissing. 

She ran outside. Taking deep breaths and exhaling shaky breaths. Her vision got blurry. She didn’t realize the tears that were freed from her eyes until she felt a few drops on her hands. She was crying. Why would she cry for someone she didn’t really know? Why would her heart feel so… different? Not broken but not okay? Why?

She didn’t know how long she was out, but at some point, she felt someone sitting next to her. It was Siyeon.

“Do you have Yoohyeon’s phone? She thinks someone stole it so she’s freaking out but I remember her asking for your permission to put her phone in your bag.”

Bora wiped away her tears before Siyeon saw and asked her what was wrong. Bora couldn’t say it was because of her. She only hoped her voice wouldn’t give her away.

“Yeah, it’s in my bag back in there. It’s late, I think we should go.”

“Agreed.” Siyeon couldn’t talk properly, given her wasted situation.

That night, after all 4 of them ate some snacks and got their senses, Bora said something to Siyeon she never regretted.

“Your voice sounds like a spring, the month of May.”

Of course, Siyeon didn’t understand. So she had to explain without getting a blush on her cheeks.

“Your voice sounds like a spring, giving warm hugs and singing songs. But if I had to choose a month of a spring that feels like your voice; I’d choose May. The warmest of the spring, flower petals everywhere. Anyway, forget it…”

“I think that’s the most romantic comment I have ever heard. Thank you.” Bora only smiled before looking down. She couldn’t look at her eyes, not right now. Maybe things would   
go better now.

If Bora wanted a superpower or asked to wish, it’d be something to block the universe reading and seeing what was going on inside her brain so that the universe wouldn’t mess things up for Bore and Bora only.

Because right at that moment of thought, Bella texted Siyeon; asked her out for a breakfast together.

“What are you going to say?” Bora’s curiosity got the best of her so she asked.

“No, of course. Why did I even give her my number anyway?”

Bora only looked down. She didn’t know what to say. 

“Come on Bora, it’s too late and we’ve got to go.” Minji spoke, like a best friend wanting to rescue her from her own thoughts.

“Noo, you guys should stay with us. As you said, it’s too late.”

Minji looked at Bora, giving her a chance to decide for both of them. 

“Okay.”

** 

Ever since that night, they have been texting each other through multiple social media. Bora would flirt with her every now and then. Siyeon always flirted back. One day Bora asked Siyeon how she was, she learned that Siyeon was sick. Bora was at her class when she got that information. But that didn’t stop her from going to a supermarket, buying some fruits that she knew that have the vitamins Siyeon needs. She knocked on her door. 

When Siyeon opened the door, Bora thought she was indeed sick, her eyes were red, the skin was so white when usually it wasn’t, hair so messy… Siyeon let Bora in.

“I would have hugged you but I don’t want you to get sick too so I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you’re thoughtful. Oh, and these are for you. Thought you could use some vitamins.”

“Who’s thoughtful now? Thank you so much.”

“Anytime.” Little did she know she really meant it?

After a little chit-chat, Bora left Siyeon’s house.

**

They went out again but there was an addition on Bora’s side. Minji’s friend from her hometown came to visit for a few days. 5 of them went clubbing. That night Bora got her first kiss, from Siyeon. And that kiss made magic. Siyeon was always on Bora’s side, never leaving her. Saying no to girls and boy that came to talk to her, flirt with her. At the end of the night Yoohyeon was begging Siyeon to go somewhere else. And as for Bora, they were going home. But one thing they forgot; no bus worked that time of night. So either they were going to walk aimlessly on a still crowded street or they were going to call a cab. None of them had the money for a cab so they choose walking aimlessly till the sun comes up and bus rides start. 

Before Siyeon and Yoohyeon leave their side, Bora wanted Siyeon to remember this night. There was a boy who was selling roses not so far from where she was in the street. She bought 2 roses and gave them to Siyeon. It made her smile so much that Bora felt like the moon was shining in front of her. 

When she was a child, someone told that the moon was stealing the sun’s light. But the moonlight Siyeon was radiating wasn’t something stolen. It was hers. Her light.   
Siyeon dropped on knees and asked Bora to marry her. Oh, man… How bad Bora wanted this to be true, Siyeon to be sober and still asking her to marry. But she knew Siyeon was too drunk to remember anything.

But the morning after said something else. 

When Bora sent her a good morning text, she got a reply with a rose that meant ‘I remember asking you to marry me’.

**

A month passed by and Bora was fully acknowledging her feelings towards Siyeon. They were flirting and flirting… Bora thought it was time to label this thing… between her and Siyeon. But she didn’t know when she would confess, she only knew it was a matter of time. 

Suddenly she got a text message from her.

“You mentioned something about writing poems and turning them into songs. Can I pretty please take a look at at least one of them? Pretty pleaaseee?”

Oh.

All she wrote was about Siyeon. 

Oh.

The universe. The freaking universe did it again. 

“Yes, of course. But I need to be sure beforehand, you won’t freak out and get scared, okay?

“Okay.”

And another text from Siyeon.

“Are you writing about me, Bora?”

“What would you say if I said yes?”

“Can you please share it with me?”

“Okay.

Your sharp eyes  
Sharper than all knives  
Cutting my skin  
How did I find you under my skin  
How could I know everything about you  
Yet I still want to know every little detail about you  
When my head hits my pillow  
You’re a drug all I know  
Without you on my mind  
A day won't go by.”

Bora watched her phone screen for 5 minutes. Siyeon’s writing balloon pops up and then disappears. Bora writes another text.

“Siyeon, this is my confession. I like you. I think I liked you since I first saw you. Please, say something. Yes or no. I like you too or I don’t like you. Just say something.”

“Bora, I don’t think I want to jeopardize our friendship. I’m having so much fun with you and Yoohyeon likes you and Minji. Four of us are great as friends. I’m scared to lose you but I’m more scared to lose you after we start something that will end. We are great like this.”

“Okay. Goodnight Siyeon.”

“Please don’t be mad at me or something. I genuinely value us.”

“I understand. Bye.”

**

Bora saw Siyeon almost once a week. They were acting cool but Bora was trying so hard to get over her. Everything was great over the summer. Almost. Siyeon hardly came to Bora’s mind. She hadn’t written something for so long, it felt like she got over her. No, she certainly got over her.

She talked to other people, met other people, and dated other people… But none of them felt right. Like, there was something inside her that block other people and she knew, she definitely knew it wasn’t because of Siyeon because she hadn’t gotten over her. 

It came back though. After the summer, at the beginning of a new semester; she and Minji got hungry so she went out, wandering markets to buy snacks. That night something Bora would have never thought would happen. 

She saw Siyeon. And it all came back. All the feelings, all the excitement when she saw her. They talked a bit about classes and bided goodbyes. 

She started to talk about something that isn’t relevant at all. And she didn’t realize how fast she was talking until Minji mentioned that. 

“Bora, I know you like the back of my hand. Heck, I know you better than I know myself. If you’re talking this fast after you see her; you have some unfinished business with her.”  
Bora tried to keep these to herself for the sake of her emotional health. But she was only damaging herself. 

Months passed and she was still feeling all of these feelings. She didn’t know what to do. 

She and Siyeon were talking always again. Siyeon was still flirty with Bora. This was only confusing her more and more every day. 

But this is it. She knew Siyeon got a boyfriend. And she was sending screenshots of every little chat and fight to Bora. Bora felt like choking.

One day, Bora and one of her classmates went out to drink. On the way back home she saw Siyeon on the bus. They chatted and Siyeon asked them if they want to come over to her place to continue drinking. Bora’s friend, desperate for alcohol, said yes. Bora was only desperate for Siyeon’s love and her love only. She said yes.

At her house three of them never stopped talking. Bora was waiting for the right time to talk to Siyeon and it was never coming.

“Siyeon, I need to talk to you.”

“Oh, okay. About what?”

“Something private. Just two of us.”

“You can tell me here.”

“Okay. The thing is I thought I was over you. But recently I found out how stupid I am to think that? I am craving for your love. For something I know, I will never have. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop looking for you in every song I listen to. I can’t stop wanting to hear your voice all the time. I can’t stop thinking about you when I wake up. Fuck, I can’t ever stop loving you for a second! I think I thought if I fill in this empty space, that should be yours, with other people; I’ll love them, not you. I wanted to get you out of my system so much that I have no idea why I did not work out. You always say something flirty when you have a boyfriend. I can’t even get mad at you when you talk about you and him because I talked about people I’ve been seeing to you but this isn’t the same thing. You never loved me, you will never love me. 

I’m not saying these just to get an answer from you. I’m just saying these because I want this to stop. I’ve been through enough pain already just because I loved you. I’m saying these because I want to end something that never started in the first place. I’m saying these, I’m saying goodbye to you Siyeon.”

Of course. Siyeon never said anything. Just looked at Bora with surprise in her eyes. Bad kind of surprise. 

Bora left Siyeon’s apartment. She went home and cried in Minji’s arms for a week. It has been 3 weeks, 21 days without Siyeon. Bora only wants to cry but no tears come out. She feels like a dead body walking around. Wherever she is, she never thinks she belongs there. Whoever she is with, she never feels comfortable with them. Whether she’s with Minji or someone else, it’s not right. It was never right after Siyeon.

Some things never meant to be. Maybe Bora and Siyeon were one of the many things on never meant to be list.

One thing she doesn’t understand, why did the universe make her go through this?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first au. Actually it's my story. I'm the Bora here, and I wanted it to stop. The pain never leaves my side. Never fall in love, girls.


End file.
